i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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