it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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