Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
