i need an iv and a liver transplant
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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