If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
