So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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