i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
