Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
