He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
