I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
