all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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