Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
