For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
