Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
