all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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