I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
