So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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