So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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