the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
