After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
