hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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