no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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