We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
