I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
