What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
