Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
