hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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