if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
