guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
