God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
