I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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