Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
