youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
