After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
