Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
