there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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