There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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