So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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