AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
