Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
