Umm I'm too high to move.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
