so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i came on her dog
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
