addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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