You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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