His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
