Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
did you just send me my own nude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
