if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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