so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
