We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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