he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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