every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize