Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
