Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
