i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my poor anus
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
there is puke in my bra ... again
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