my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
