my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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