Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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