apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
