i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
