If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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