I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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