When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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