I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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