Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
