was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
