I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
