I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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