Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We have started to decorate penises.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
