So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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