K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
