The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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