She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
