You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She told me I should be a condom model.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
