imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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