my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
