I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
