is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize