Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
